


The Weight | Malum

by xdistorted_cliffordx



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: 5 Seconds of Summer - Freeform, 5SOS - Freeform, Angst, Ashton Irwin - Freeform, Cake, Calum Hood - Freeform, Cheating, Gay, Luke Hemmings - Freeform, M/M, Michael Clifford - Freeform, Short Story, hoodings, malum
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-30
Updated: 2015-10-30
Packaged: 2018-04-28 23:39:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 9,701
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5109707
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xdistorted_cliffordx/pseuds/xdistorted_cliffordx
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"And I can't lift the weight, no, I can't lift the weight." -Shawn Mendes, The Weight</p>
<p>------</p>
<p>WILL CONTAIN SMUT-LIKE CONTENT</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Michael

**Author's Note:**

> Yes, this is based off of Shawn Mendes' song, The Weight. It is also a short story. :)

_"I wanna go back, forget that it's over."_

\----

I thought that Calum and I would be together for the rest of our lives. I thought we were going to stabilize ourselves, get married, adopt children, and grow old together. Usually, people would say that nineteen years old is too young to think that and have those plans, but I was head-over-heels in love with Calum Hood, had been for years. I thought he felt the same way about me, but apparently I was too blindly in love with him to realize that he didn't return the feelings, at least according to my recent gruesome discovery. As much as I didn't want to do it, the three years we've been together were going to end.

Now, my discovery didn't happen on purpose; I didn't have any reason to snoop through my boyfriend's computer. The only reason I was on it in the first place was to apply for a job at Bath and Body Works (that was the only place hiring that hadn't fired him) because my laptop was broken. All it took to ruin my day and maybe the rest of my life was a wrong click that brought up messages exchanged between Calum and my old childhood friend and neighbor Luke Hemmings. Just by a glance, one wouldn't think it was anymore than an innocent exchange between two friends. But when I saw "I'm leaving" and "Michael" in the same sentence, I go curious and decided to read the conversation between the two, which dated back to three months ago. I hadn't even known they spoke to each other! I haven't talked to Luke Hemmings since Year 9, despite being neighbors for the entirety of our lives. It quickly escalated from being an innocent conversation to sending nudes and making plans to meet at hotels when I wouldn't be home. 

Never did I think that I would have to go through the pain of being cheated on and now I am. I found it a few hours ago, but it feels like I just found it seconds ago. I've never felt this broken -this empty- before. No, Calum wasn't my first boyfriend; I've been in relationships before, but they were just meaningless flings that I knew would never last. But this one...since the beginning, I knew that it was different and it wouldn't be over within a few months, which I wasn't wrong about. I never imagine that I'd have to experience heartbreak with Calum, but I was so blind and so naive. I really thought that this relationship would be the one that would last; I never had a reason to think otherwise. Calum treated me like a king all throughout our relationship and in the past three months, he never acted like there was someone else or that he wasn't interested in me anymore. That's why this was so much more of a bombshell.

I heard the door click open and I tried my best to clean myself up and stop crying long enough. I heard him kick off his shoes with a thud and his loud footsteps on the wooden floor, coming closer to my hiding place in our room. 

"Michael? Mike, are you here?" Calum called, sounding like he was in the living room yet. I didn't answer, not wanting to. I shouldn't have to. I heard him walking around again, this time down the hallway that led to our room. "Michael? Babe, are you here?"

As I cringed at his 'babe', I heard soft knocking on the closed bedroom door and then it opened. I kept my gaze out the window, not moving from my ball on the window sill to look at him. I didn't want to look at him, not now. Not ever. 

"Michael? Why didn't you answer me?" Calum asked softly. "Look at me, Michael. Are you okay?" 

I gathered the self control and courage, looking back at a tear-blurred Calum. Instead of my voice coming out normally, it came out as a barely audible mumble. "I'm fine."

"Are you sure? You look like you're about to cry," he asked, sounding concerned, though he was probably just disappointed that he couldn't invite Luke over.

"I'm fine, Calum," I hissed, getting up from my comfortable position when I realized that he wasn't going to leave the room anytime soon. 

As I went out into the kitchen to grab my phone and put on my shoes to leave for a little bit, despite what would transpire while I was gone, I heard Calum following me. I didn't want to tell him where I was going, I didn't want to talk to him anymore. I just wanted to forget that he existed for a little bit. 

"Where are you going?" he asked. "I thought we were going to have some Mikey-Cal time tonight?" 

Mentally, I punched him. How dare he act like there's nobody else and act like he's heartbroken when I know exactly what he'll do as soon as I'm gone. "Nowhere. I'm just going to take a walk."

"You're not acting normal. Are you sure you're okay?" he asked again. 

"Yeah. Peachy," I repeated, throwing my hood up over my snapback and walked out of the apartment without another word. 

\----

I ended up going to the park about eight kilometers away from our apartment. Of course, I did take the longest way I could to get there, not wanting to go home. It was now dusk as I sat on the swing of the deserted playground, swinging back and forth as I let tears fall as the connections to this park flooded my mind. This park was where Calum and I used to come when we first got together to hide from our parents and makeout, or where we would talk about things when one or both of us were having a bad day. There was so many memories made here that this place felt like a safe haven, despite the sadness that now came with it. 

As much as I'm glad (not truly) that I found out that Calum wasn't being faithful, I just kind of wished I never would've continued to read the messages. There was still a part of me that was still madly in love with him and I just wanted to forget that we were going to be over before the night came to a close. I just wanted to forget that this day even happened. I wanted so badly for this day to be a horrific nightmare, but I knew it wasn't.


	2. Calum

_"When you left me alone, I never knew."_

I was sitting on the couch, going through Netflix, trying to find something decent to watch while I waited for Michael to come home. I hadn't expected him to be out so late, especially if it was only a walk. When I first saw him sitting there, I had thought he found Luke and I's messages since I let him use my computer today, but I knew that he wouldn't deliberately go through my personal things. Michael wasn't like that. 

I was worried, however, as to what was wrong with him. He was happy and normal this morning; I wanted to know what -or what- flipped the switch on him. Seeing Michael sad and upset was like watching the eulogy scene in The Fault In Our Stars, just ten times worse. It broke my heart every God damn time. 

As I selected the first season of Friends, the front door opened and I quickly looked over, expecting to see Michael, but instead saw my lovely Luke entering with a small smile on his face. Out of instinct, I smiled at him, earning one back. To me, he was at his sexiest right now, not that he wasn't all the time. I'm just a sucker for boys in beanies.

"Hey," he greeted. "I didn't hear from you all day, so I wanted to make sure you were okay." 

"Yeah, I'm fine," I sighed. "You know you can't be here, right? Not to be rude or anything, but Michael could be back any minute."

"Yeah, I saw him storm him out earlier. Is he okay?" Luke asked. This was going to be one of the rare times that we would talk about him. Usually we were making out or something by now.

"I don't know. He refuses to tell me, so I'm letting him have some space," I told Luke, who was now seated next to me, his blue eyes more mezmorizing than ever.

"Aw, baby. I'm sure everything will be okay," he said, his mouth in a pout. Then he started kissing down my neckline slowly, his lips lingering. "Do you know how long he'll be gone?" 

I groaned, wanting to take the blonde and destroy him with my lips. "No."

"Go to the bedroom. I can hide better in there," Luke said, leaving a longing kiss on my lips as he got up to lead me into the bedroom. 

I have time for a quickie. Michael won't know a thing. 

\----

"Fuck, Calum!" Luke moaned loudly as he reached his climax, the white liquid shooting out of his thick length, leaving long ribbons on his torso. 

I continued to thrust roughly into the younger boy, hearing him grunt in pleasure with each hit. Before I could ride out my high, I heard the front door click open, making my eyes snap open. I made my pace even quicker than it already was, covering Luke's mouth as he was about to cry out in satisfaction at the harder and faster thrusts. I quickly squeezed my eyes shut as I filled Luke, sad that it was over, but happy because it meant I didn't have to have a cockblock. 

"What's wrong?" Luke asked, panting as I pulled out of him. 

"Michael's home. Hide," I whispered. "I'll try to keep him out in the living room. Sneak out when you can."

As the naked blonde quickly gathered his clothes and scurried under the bed, I slipped on my boxers and went to the bedroom door, yanking it open to find Michael about to knock. I looked into his sad -mad?- green eyes. I gave him a small smile, worried as to why I didn't get one in return. I knew it probably had something to do with me now. 

"Mikey, is everything okay?" I asked, hoping that he would actually explain to me why he was so down and out. 

"I told you; I'm fine," he grumbled and then scrunched up his nose in disgust. "Why are you in your boxers and why does it smell like sex?"

"Why do you think?" I asked with a flirty smile.

"He was over, I'm guessing," Micahel sneered, turning around with a grimace. 

"Who was here?" I asked slowly, swallowing the lump in my throat as I followed my boyfriend out to the living room. He didn't know about Luke. He couldn't know about Luke. 

He immediately turned around, his eyes searing through me like knives. "Don't play stupid, Calum. You know damn well who I'm talking about. He was just here."

I slowly shook my head, hoping that he wouldn't notice the beads of sweat forming on my forehead. "Michael, I don-"

"You act like I'm oblivious! Calum, the only oblivious thing I've done is not realize that you were cheating on me right under my nose!" he spat angrily. 

"I don't know who you're talking about!" I responded hardly, surprised at how easily I lied to him.

"Luke!" Michael yelled in frustration. "I know as soon as I left that you would invite him over. Not only that, but you have sex with him while I'm gone, in my bed for Christ's sake! You never cease to amaze me, Calum," he vented, a tear rolling down his cheek. 

"Mike-"

"All those times I was at my parents or somewhere without you, you were with him, weren't you?" he asked, his angry voice shaky. "All those times you left me alone, coming up with some bullshit excuse, you were with that fucker."

"N-"

"Don't even try denying it, Calum. I read everything. I know what you were doing," he said, his bottom lip quivering.

I hate seeing Michael cry. I despise it.

But I really hate it when I'm the reason.

\----


	3. Michael

_"You're inside my head in the middle of the night when I don't feel right."_

**-9 Days Later-**

I always knew that it would be hard to get over Calum if we ever did break up, but I never thought we would because I was stupid and thought that we'd be together forever. But when I walked out that door, I didn't think it would be as difficult since he had betrayed me. I thought for sure that I would be happy that I was rid of him and had planned on going back home to kick him out and get on with my life. 

But no. 

I was the opposite. The majority of me ached to have him back. He was on my mind pretty much every waking second and somehow everything connected back to him. But then after I wish him back, I remember that he's probably with Luke now and that he's happy that we broke up. As much as I want to think Calum wouldn't be like that and have a heart, I knew deep down that that was most likely the case. 

The love that Calum gave me was the best love I had ever received. I've never felt that kind of love for someone before and only to get the same feeling in return. Calum was always there for me, always dropping everything to be with me. He treated me like a man should. Well, minus the cheating on me part. That's why I wanted to be with him again, but I knew that I just couldn't. Either he was that sneaky about it or I'm just that oblivious to things. If I got back together with him, who's to say that he wouldn't do it again or just continue pursuing his relationship with the vile Luke. 

Luke and I had somewhat of a history and it didn't end well at all really, so this was almost as if he was just going along with this out of pure hatred for me. When I had first moved into this house with my parents in Year 8, Luke had already been living there since time began. At first, I didn't know if I would like him or if he would like me because I thought we were both pretty different considering he was a rather confident kid and I was...awkward. But we actually did get along pretty well at first. I found out a lot about him and we got along pretty good. Until one day, I found out that he was friends with this lot of lads that liked to harrass me at school and that he basically backstabbed me by telling them private things about me and they used it to their advantage. 

After that, we practically hated each other. At first, we would occasionally start fights in the hallways because we would be in a name-calling war. But we- rather I- quit that after my mum and dad got a call from the principal and I got a very stern talking to. That and my mum was becoming suspicious that her foundation was running out quicker than normal being I used it to cover up bruises and black eyes. Luke tried to continue the fights, but I just quit talking to him. Actually, it was more like I quit acknowledging that he even exsisted. I thought it would've been harder than it was since we're neighbors, but it really wasn't. Not until just recently anyway. 

I hadn't even told anyone what happened, not even my parents. I was staying at my parents' house, but they had left for a cruise with a few friends of theirs the day after I came to stay and I just made up the excuse that Calum had to go to Melbourne for a family thing. I was debating whether or not I should invite my friend Ashton over, considering I've been ignoring him for a few days and I haven't really had any human interaction with anyone for a while. He wasn't exactly fond of Calum, but he knew that he had made me happy and treated me right so he didn't completely dislike him. Though when I told him this, he was going to flip tables and automatically despise him, which is understandable for a friend to do, but I didn't really want the sympathy about it. I didn't want to be reminded that it had happened, even though I basically reminded myself about it practically ever second of my life. 

As if he was reading my mind, my phone began to ring and Ashton's name popped up on the screen. I debated whether to answer it or not, but I figured that it would be best before he would show up at my house to find Calum and Luke canoodling. That would be a very bad way for Ashton to find out because he would probably not only hate Calum, but he would be disappointed in me and I didn't want that from him. Having someone disappointed in me is worse than having someone mad at me. 

"Hello?" I answered, nearly scaring myself with my now hoarse voice.

"You're alive! Why haven't you answered any of my calls or texts? I've been worried sick about you! I thought someone slaughtered you or something," Ashton said, relief obvious in his tone. 

"No, I'm fine. I'm just at my parents house."

"Yeah, you're mum said that. Calum's still in Melbourne or whatever?" 

"Yep," I answered, mentally cursing my mother for telling him. I hated lying to my parents, but I really didn't want to have to lie to Ashton too.

"Oh. Well, do you want to hangout? I have to babysit Harry, but I could still come over if you want," Ashton offered, sounding desperate almost.

"Yeah, that's fine. You have the key, so just walk in when you get here."

"Alright. See you in a few minutes."

I lowered my phone down and tossed it down by my feet, running my hands through my messy hair. I was actually dreading Ashton's visit, which never happened. Usually, I loved hanging out with Ash. Excluding my family, he was my second favorite person- scratch that- my first favorite person to be with now that the original was with someone else. But now, I didn't want to see him at all. I knew that it was because I was just in a sour mood and I was dreading having to bring him down and that I was going to have to tell him about Calum just to get some of the frustration and anger off of my chest. I realized that it wasn't him I was dreading; it's the reason that I have to see him that I'm dreading. 

Thankfully, he lives farther away from my parents' house than my other house, so it will give me a little extra time to mentally prepare and come up with how I'm going to tell him. Hopefully, he didn't decide to take Harry out somewhere, putting him closer to me. 

\----

Unlike I told him, Ashton started knocking on my door. It had actually taken him must longer than I thought it would've taken him to get here. I groaned loud enough for him to hear it but got up anyway, figuring it would do me some good to get off of the couch. When I opened the door, I was greeted with a smiling Ashton and a small mini-Ashton standing behind him.

"Hey, Mikey!" Ashton said, taking me into a hug. "How are you? You look exhausted."

"Yeah, I guess you could say that," I said, half-smiling. I looked down at Harry, realizing he's changed a bit since the last time a saw him a few months ago. "Hey, Harry."

"Hi, Michael," the quiet boy greeted with a shy smile. 

"Come in," I said, leaving the door open as I walked back to my indent on the couch. 

"Michael, are you sure everything is alright? It's too...clean," Ashton asked, rather skeptical. I looked over to Ashton and then down at Harry. "Harry, can you go get us two large glasses of peach iced tea from the refrigerator?"

"But I don-"

"Just do it," Ashton demanded while Harry bounded into the kitchen.

"I don't have peach iced tea," I told him.

"Exactly," he said, a smirk on his face. "Now, what's wrong?"

"I...Calum...we broke up," I said, my voice cracking slightly.

I looked back at Ashton, a confused expression on his face. "What? Why? You guys were like, made for each other."

"Because..." I felt my eyes well up with the tears again and breath started to shake. I felt the cushion dip next to me and Ashton's arm was around my back. "He c-cheated on m-me."

"What are you talking about?" Ashton asked again, acting like I was crazy for saying such things. "Are you sure? He treats you like a king."

"I c-caught him, A-Ash! H-He's been having an a-affair with h-him for three m-months. I read i-it on his c-computer," I told him, cuddling into Ashton's warm chest. 

"Did he act like there was anyone else to make you look?" he asked.

"No. I w-was going to apply f-for a job and I accidentally clicked on it," I explained. 

"So he hasn't been in Melbourne?" Ashton finally wondered with a sigh.

"N-no. H-he's been f-fucking L-Luke," I cried, my tears saturating a spot on Ash's shirt. 

"Luke? As in Luke Hemmings?" he asked, his voice starting to rise. I just nodded. "That boy is in deep shit next time I see him."

"P-Please don't h-hurt him," I begged. 

He let out another exhale and hugged me closer to him. "I won't. Not until you tell me to."

\-----


	4. Calum

_"And I can't go back to you anymore."_

My phone was ringing for the umpteenth time in the past seven days. Each time I ignored it because I knew that it was Luke every single time. I was waiting for it to be Michael, but it never was.

After Michael had left, I talked to Luke a few days after, just so I wasn't completely alone with my thoughts. I thought that Michael would have only been gone for a few days to cool himself off, but I was wrong. It's been nine days and it's like he never even existed.

I quit seeing Luke after I realized Michael was never coming back. I couldn't bear the thought of being without Mikey. He's literally everything I have and I can't function properly without him. I know that it's 100% my fault that this is even happening. I was so stupid to think that Michael wouldn't catch me.

It was dickish of me to just up and ignore Luke like he's nothing, but I knew that I would just be too tempted to go back to my old ways. If I wanted to be with Michael again, that's how it would have to be.

I knew that Michael and Luke used to friends, but I didn't know the details of it other than they haven't spoken since Year 9. I had a feeling that was the majority of the reason that Michael was angry; he probably thought that Luke was in this relationship to spite him, which was not true. Luke had true feelings for me like I did him.

I took a drink of my orange juice and cuddled into Michael's oversized hoodie as I watched Spongebob, something Mikey and I used to do every Saturday morning. I heard a knock on the door and my heart started to race in hopes that it was my Michael. I jumped up from the couch and ran over to the door, opening it only for my risen hopes to crash and burn.

"Hey Calum," Luke said with a shy smile.

"H-hi Luke," I said, trying to avoid eye contact and hide my disappointment. "What are you doing here?"

"I'm worried about you, Cal. Can I come in?" he wondered.

"I can't, Luke. It's too much temptation," I told him, knowing that it would end up with is making out.

"I promise I won't do anything and I won't let you do anything. I just want to talk and I think you need to talk as well," he promised.

Sighing, I opened the door wider and let him in. He was completely right; I did need to talk.

"You're ignoring me because you feel guilty and know that if you want to be with Michael, you're not going to contact me ever again, so why not start getting used to it now? Am I right?" Luke asked as I sat in my place in the couch. I didn't answer. I felt too ashamed. "I don't blame you, Cal. I would've done the same thing."

"How did you know?" I asked quietly.

"Because I know you," he said, offering me a small smile. "You're in love with him, I can see that. I've always been able to see that. I didn't stop you like I should have because I wanted to believe that you loved me instead. You're a really good guy, Calum, and I really like you, but it's so obvious that Michael has your heart."

"You're completely right; I'm in love with Michael and it kills me to know that I shattered him with my dumbass decision. But at the same time, I have feelings for you too, Luke," I admitted shamefully.

Luke's face fell. "You can't. You deserve to be with Michael and you need to be with Michael. We can't see each other anymore."

"I know, but I don't want to hurt you," I sniffled.

"Calum, you aren't hurting me. I want you to be with Michael. He had you first and he makes you happier than I ever could've," Luke told me, a tear falling down his cheek. He put his hand on my shoulder and a forced smile formed on his face. "Please go get him. Talk to him and work things out. Do it for me."

I sadly returned his smile and then took him in for a hug, squeezing him tightly because I knew this was one of the last I would ever give him and receive from him. "Right now?"

"Right now, Cal. He isn't going to wait around forever," Luke urged.

I knew he was struggling with sending me off and basically ending whatever friendship or relationship we had. Despite what we used to do 90% of the time that we would hangout together, I actually considered Luke one of my close friends. He was really sweet and a good person. I didn't want to sever all ties with him because of that bond we had, but I knew that Michael wouldn't get back with me if I would continue communicating with Luke. And I wanted to be with Michael. We were meant to be together. 

As I walked out the door and down the stairs, I waved to Luke, who was standing in the doorway, smiling. The part of me that wanted to be with Luke wanted to turn around and forget about trying to get back, but the Michael part of me, which was the majority of me, was determined to get back with the boy that left me because of my stupid decisions.

\----

The first and only place I could think that he would be at would be his parents house, and it turned out I was right because Ashton's car was parked in the driveway. I grumbled to myself, not really wanting Ashton there. I'm pretty sure he knew all about our breakup, he was Michael's best friend after all. But I didn't want Ashton trying to talk Mikey out of giving me another chance. Michael needed to make the choice for himself.

Slowly, I walked up to the door, preparing to knock when the door swung open and Ashton was walking out when he nearly ran into me. His face twisted into a disgusted expression and he just glared at me. "What are you doing here?"

"I'm going to talk to Michael," I shrugged.

"He doesn't want to see you. You don't deserve to even see him after doing that," Ashton spat. 

"Sorry, but I need to talk to him. You're not his mother, so stop trying to control who he wants and doesn't want to see," I sassed, getting angry with the wavy haired boy. 

"I'm not trying to control him; I'm looking out for him and what's best. Unlike you, you dick," he replied, flipping up his middle finger as he walked off towards his car with his little brother in tow.

I quietly knocked on the door and then pushed it open, not seeing any signs of life in the small home. I felt like an intruder by just walking in. I never used to since we were all practically family. But now, I felt like I was crossing enemy lines. 

"W-What are you doing here?" Michael said, his voice weak. 

"I came to talk to you," I told him, looking into his sad green eyes.

"There's nothing to say," he mumbled. 

'Yeah, there is. Can we talk?" I asked.

"You're going to tell me that you made a stupid decision and you basically screwed up. You want me back because you didn't realize how much I mean to you," he sighed, looking rather irritated. I just gave him a blank stare. "I'm right, aren't I? Or are you here to tell me that you're officially with him now?"

"N-No, you were right," I stammered. "Please, Michael. I love you. I need you back."

He sighed, averting his gaze away from me. I just stood there, feeling like I was holding my heart out and waiting for him to take it. He looked at me again, this time shaking his head. 

"No."

And there was when he took it and shoved a knife straight through the middle.

\----


	5. Michael

_"You tell me you were happier with him, but you want me to stay."_

I couldn't look at Calum and feel the same things I did before. Now, as I stood here looking at him, all I felt was pain and hurt. He did look genuinely sorry and upset, I'll give him that, but I just couldn't do it. I couldn't go back to him. The trust left and so did I.

"W-what?" he said, a tear falling from his eye.

"No."

"But w-why?" Calum whispered.

"Because he obviously made you happier than I did and I'll compare myself to him every time we have sex or do something. I can't have that floating in the back of my mind," I told him.

"He did make me happy, but you make me so much happier. I can't live without you, Michael. I love you, so much. Please," Calum begged, tears falling rapidly. 

Seeing Calum cry was a rare thing. He barely ever cries and when he does, it's like watching a puppy getting abused. I hate seeing Calum get so emotional and vulnerable like this. It makes the loving part of me come out and I can't have that. Not this time. I can't give into him because that's what he wants and if I do, I'll just end up with another broken heart later on down the road.

"Why did you do it? Was I not satisfying you enough? Are you embarrassed of me? I know I dye my hair quite a bit, but if you wanted me to stop, you could've told me and I would've. You didn't have to go cheat on me with someone that's way more attractive than I am," I said, watching as he cried harder.

"Michael, I'm certainly not embarrassed of you! You're the most beautiful person I've ever seen, been with...that is not at all the reason that this happened. I love you and your crazy hair colors; they make life colorful and I know you're happy to stand out," Calum rambled.

"Then if it wasn't because of my looks, why did you do it?" I asked again, wanting a straight answer.

Calum huffed and sniffled. "Because I was stupid. I have no good reason as to why I did it."

"You just decided that it was a good idea to sneak behind my back and fuck someone else like I would never find out?" I spat.

"I didn't think that you would find out! I tried extra hard to make sure you wouldn't for this exact reason! I am so in love with you, Michael, that I didn't want to hurt you and I didn't want to have this exact conversation," he tried to explain.

"So let me get this straight. You are so in love with me so you go out of your way to cheat on me and then try as hard as you possibly can to cover your tracks? Jeez, that's probably the sweetest thing you've ever done for me," I sneered.

"Do you know what it's like to be in love with two people? To have the same love and feelings for both of them?" he asked.

"I can't say I have because I was taught to love one at a time," I jabbed.

Calum ignored what I said and continued. "I was in love with both you and Luke. I love you much more than Luke, of course. I've shared more things with you and have been through more with you than I have with him. Luke was mainly just sex, as bad as that sounds, that's all we were. But both of you are great and wonderful people and I love both of you."

"You want to know what I love, Calum?" I said, feeling another bout of crying coming on.

"What?" he whispered.

"I love that moment when you walk out of my house because I want nothing to do with you. You don't belong here anymore," I said, my voice shaking.

Calum's eyes widened and tears fell faster down his face. Both of us just stood there, staring at each other. I could tell that he was taken by surprise at what I had just said, but once it hit him, he turned around and hesitantly walked out of the house. Just as soon as he left, I fell down to my knees and let every tear fall.

\--

Ashton stopped by about an hour later, this time without Harry. He wanted to know why I was sitting in fetal position against the couch on the floor with tears still finding their way down my cheeks. I told him everything. He didn't say anything, but instead held me in his strong hug to try and comfort me.

That's what I loved about Ashton; he didn't have to say anything. He could just sit there and hold you or something of the comforting sort and it would make you feel better. It was one of my favorite things about having a best friend like him. I wish that everyone could have someone like him in their lives.

"I know you're going to get sick of me saying this, but Calum's not worth your tears anymore," Ashton whispered softly.

"I know, but I really loved him, Ashton. I wish I could stop and just forget about him, but after three years together, it's hard," I blubbered.

"It's okay, Mikey. I understand that it's not going to be easy," he reassured. "I don't want you to see him anymore, okay? If you want to move on, you can't let him in every time he wants to make you feel guilty."

I just nodded, part of me upset that I was never going to talk to Calum ever again, never see his face. I was going to have to do this if I wanted to be happy. If I wanted to move on with my life, I was going to have to avoid Calum Hood at all costs.

\--


	6. Michael

_"And when you take me back, say someday you will change, but I don't wanna wait."_

***1 Month Later***

Ashton and I had decided to buy an apartment together since both of our parents were getting irritated with us acting like we were in a hotel. Ashton's mum told him that anyway, not as harsh, she just wanted Ashton to go somewhere with his life instead of living in her basement for the rest of his life. My parents just thought that it would be good for me to live with Ash instead being alone all day and moping around. And they were completely right. We moved in about a week ago and I wasn't feeling so down in the dumps for once.

"I'm hungry. What kind of takeout do you want?" Ashton asked, throwing down the Alternative Press magazine he was reading.

"Maccas?" I suggested.

"Alright. Don't let the place burn while I'm gone," he said, grabbing his keys and wallet from the counter.

He left, leaving me alone in the quiet apartment. I just continued playing my Pokemon game, trying to keep certain things off of my mind. I've been getting better with it, but I still had moments where I would miss him and get a mopey about it. I wear my heart on my sleeve, so Ashton could tell when it was on my mind and he would try to cheer me up, not even judging that I was still a little hung up about it.

I had just won my battle with gym leader Brock when there was a knock on the door. I thought it was a little weird since we rarely ever had visitors. When we did, it was one of our mums or Ash's siblings and they usually knocked and then let themselves in since we barely ever locked our door during the day. Since I quickly realized it wasn't one of our family members, I paused my game and got up, quietly walking over to the door. The knocking came again and I grabbed the somewhat dirty frying pan that was on the kitchen counter by the sink, just in case if it was a murderer at the door.

"Michael, I know you're in there!"

No...how could have he known where I lived now?! I didn't tell him or anyone associated with him. I didn't even post that we'd moved on any social media, so I don't know how Calum could have found me. I hesitated on opening the door. I knew if I did, he would bring down my positive and good attitude. But I knew he wouldn't go away if I didn't, even when Ashton would threaten to beat him to death when he came back. I was going to turn around and go back to playing my video game when the pan slipped out of my hand and I cringed at the loud crash it made when it hit the floor.

"Michael, now I know you're in there. It's either you or Ashton, so open up."

There was no turning back now. He knew I was in here and if I knew Calum, he wasn't going to leave until I answered the door. Cursing under my breath, I picked the frying pan up off of the floor and opened the door halfway. Calum was standing there in his grey beanie, a dark sweater, and his usual skinny jeans.

"What do you want?" I sighed.

"I want to talk to you," he answered.

"Calum, it's over. We're over. We established this a long time ago," I told him.

"I did the 30 day plan," Calum blurted. I raised my eyebrow at him.

"What are you talking about?" I asked, curious.

"I went thirty days without contacting you. It gave us both time to cool off, think things through, and now we can talk to each other civilly," he explained to me.

"I have thought things through. I thought things through the minute I found those messages on your laptop," I told him, wanting any excuse to get him to leave. "There's nothing more to talk about."

"There is. You made an emotional and rash decision. Can we please talk?" he begged.

"Fine, you can talk all you want, but you're not going to change my mind," I told him.

"May I come in? I really don't want to have this discussion in front of your neighbors," he asked.

I opened the door wider and gestured him into the somewhat messy apartment (mainly my fault). I shut the door and followed him through the kitchen/dining area, the frying pan still in my hand. Calum noticed it as I walked over to the sink, putting it in with the other dirty dishes.

"Were you going to hit me with that?" he asked.

"If you would've been a mass murderer, then yes, I would've," I admitted proudly. I went over to the cheap dining table and pulled out one of the chairs, having a seat. Calum awkwardly did the same and just sat there, not talking to me. "Well, talk. I don't have all night."

"I don't know how to start other than that I'm sorry. When you accuse me of not loving you, it hurts because I do. I don't know what was going through my head to make me agree to meet Luke for...that. It didn't start out romantically or sexual in any way. He just hit me up on Facebook one day and we became friends and then he asked if we could meet each other face to face and I didn't think anything weird or sexual about it, so I agreed. That's when it turned sexual. After that, I did a little digging on his profile and found out that you guys used to be really good friends and that's when I felt really guilty and panicky, so I installed Skype and added him on it so we could talk and you wouldn't find out," he rambled, his eyes welling up a little.

"Why did you continue to do it if you felt so guilty about it?" I asked, figuring that now's the best time to get all my questions answered.

"Because...at the time, we weren't being very sexual or intimate with each other and I was craving it, so my lust got the best of me and I knew that I could get it with Luke without a question about it. That's why I continued. And then when we got intimate with each other again, I just craved it all so much and I couldn't stop. I tried to stop the sex part and just be friends with Luke, but it got to the point that every time that I would see him, I would get way too turned on and we couldn't keep our hands off each other. Whenever we would meet, it would always end in some sort of sex," he continued, now crying.

"He knew about us, yet he still did it? Of course he would. Anything to get back on me," I mumbled, feeling tears sting the back of my eyes.

"He knew about us, but he wasn't doing it to get back at you. I imagine that his reasoning was similar to mine. He actually really cared about you," Calum told me.

"That's messed up on so many levels, Calum," I told him.

"I know. I promise you that I'm changed. I haven't talked to Luke since before I last talked to you," he said. "And I don't plan on talking to him again either."

I ran my hand through my hair and exhaled. This is why I didn't want to talk to Calum. There was still a huge part of me that was still in love with him and was actually considering on taking him back, but there was also the other part of me that knew that it would be terribly wrong to do it.

"Michael, please talk to me," he pleaded silently, tears rolling down his cheeks. I was doing anything in my power to fight them back, but there was some escapees.

"I wish I could believe you, Calum. I really do, but I can't. You're a really sweet person and I will always care about you, but I can't find it in me just to forgive you. You snuck behind my back for three months with someone. And it's even worse that it was with my old best friend. I don't trust many people, Cal, and you know that. It's hard for me to do and when you broke that trust, it's gone. Part of me wants to wait for you to earn it back, but that could be forever from now. I don't want to wait."

——


	7. Michael

_"My heavy heart just breaks, and I can't lift the weight."_

Calum had left a little over half an hour ago and I was still sitting at the table, the music from my Pokemon game the only activity going on in the apartment. Soon enough, the door opened and Ashton walked in with the Macca's order. He looked as happy as he did when he had left, but then noticed me sitting in the corner and his smile fell.

"Are you okay, Mikey? I brought you food, so you shouldn't look like I brought you the severed head of a dog," Ashton said, walking over and set the bags on the table. "Hey, seriously. Why do you look so upset?"

"He came back," I said quietly.

Ashton sat back, not at all shocked. "I should have known that's what changed your mood completely. What the hell did he want?"

"He wanted to get back together with me," I told him.

"And please tell me that you said no," he said, getting a nod from me. "God dammit. Next time he comes here, I'm going to beat the shit out of him."

"Don't do that, Ashton. He just wanted to know," I told him.

"And I just want you to be happy and not stuck in this rut that he put you in," Ashton replied.

"And you think beating him would make me happy? Just because he was a dickhead and cheated on me doesn't mean that I'll stop caring about him and want to hurt him," I explained.

"Just...don't let him get to you, okay? You're doing so well and I don't want you to go through that again," Ashton said quietly.

I just nodded and Ashton got up to get our food. I didn't know if I was making the right decision by rejecting Calum. I love him. Other than the cheating, he was a great boyfriend and he treated me like a king. We had great memories together for the most part.

But I couldn't trust him.

I wanted to believe that he wouldn't hurt me again. I wanted to believe that he would be mine, my territory that nobody else was allowed to touch. But a part of me just couldn't. I was always taught that 'once a cheater, always a cheater'. I didn't want to associate that with Calum, but he cheated and I didn't know if he'd do it again. I didn't want to face that hurt again. He had lied to me for three months. I can't just act like this was nothing. I wasn't a person to easily trust people, let alone someone who lied and cheated me.

I was somewhat torn. Some people would call me insane for even questioning if rejecting him was a bad choice, but they don't understand the love that I had for him. We were through a lot together and I can't just forget someone who made that big of impact on my life. I knew that not being with him was going to be the smart choice. But I didn't want to believe that. If I did go back to Calum, Ashton would be disappointed in me and he probably would quit talking to me until and if I would break up with him. My parents wouldn't want anything to do with him for holidays or when I would bring him along to visit. They would be disappointed in me as well. I didn't want any of them to be disappointed in me. I'd rather suffer without him instead of having the three most important people in my life be disappointed in me for making a stupid decision.

"Mikey, you okay? Your fake meat is going to get cold," Ashton asked.

I shook myself out of my trance and looked at my hazel-eyed best friend. I wanted to talk with him about what I was feeling, but he could get so furious when it came to discussing Calum, that it wasn't worth it.

"I'm fine," I responded with a small smile.

"You're not thinking about him, are you?" he questioned, taking a bite of his chicken nugget.

"I...I was just wondering if telling him no was the right thing," I said, feeling ashamed for admitting that to him.

Ashton put his warm and large hand on top of mine, his warm eyes looking into mine. "You did. It doesn't feel like it, but believe me, you did. And I'm proud of you."

I gave him a smile, happy that he didn't make a big deal about it even crossing my mind. He was understanding how hard to let go of this was and I couldn't be more thankful for that.

\----

"What on earth are you doing?" Ashton asked as I dug through the kitchen pantry.

"Do we have cookie mix?" I asked, earning a confused look from the wavy haired blonde.

"Are you okay?" he asked.

"Seriously, Ash. Do we?" I asked again.

"No. None of us do that kind of shit, if you remember," he told me. "Why do you want to know?"

"Because I want to get my mind off of him and I'm hungry for cookies, so I wanted to make cookies," I told him.

Ashton just smiled and let out a chuckle. "You'll have to go to the store to get some. Here-"

Ashton dug his wallet out of his pocket and grabbed out some money, extending his arm towards me to grab it. I hesitantly went towards him and grabbed it out of his hand, giving him a weird glance.

"Don't give me that look. I'm proud of you for not sitting here and moping like you used to, so I'm happy that you want to take your mind off it. Now, go get double chocolate chip cookies so you can make them for me," Ashton said with an amused smile on his face.

On the way to the store, I made sure the radio was up loud so I wouldn't be able to hear myself think. It actually worked and luckily, the store wasn't too far away so I wouldn't damage my hearing that bad.

There wasn't many people inside either, which was kind of nice. I really didn't want to have to push through the equivalence of grazing cattle and get in a bad mood. I was trying to be happy and idiots certainly wouldn't make me that way.

I took a shopping cart and started to go towards the baking aisle to grab the pack of cookie mix. I looked for the kind Ashton wanted, figuring that it was only right to make the ones he wanted since he gave me the money to get them. I threw them in the cart and went to the frozen/refrigerator aisles to get milk and some eggs. Maybe even some Cinnabon cinnamon rolls for later...

As I was browsing to find the cinnamon rolls, a cart bumped into mine. I looked up, about to apologize, but then I saw it was the one and only Luke Hemmings.

The blonde just looked at me like a deer-in-headlights and I did just the same. I had so many mixed feelings about him, that I didn't know what I was going to say if he talked to me.

"S-sorry, Michael," he apologized, quickly turning his head to the butter section.

I didn't answer him and just hurried to find the cinnamon rolls that I was looking for so I could get as far away from him as I possibly could. I picked the cold aluminum can out of its row and threw it in the cart, pushing away and going past the blonde devil. But before I could get too far, he grabbed my arm.

"What the hell do you want?" I hissed.

"I know you're mad at me and that you hate me even more, I don't blame you. I would too," Luke said.

"I'm glad that you realized my hatred for you. Now, let me continue shopping," I snapped.

"Michael, I need to talk to you. About Calum," he said.

"I don't want to talk about Calum. I'm trying to move on from him and these constant reminders that he's still alive is not helping me do that," I said through gritted teeth.

"Just hear me out and then we can go our separate ways and you'll never have to talk to me again," Luke begged.

"I have a feeling that even if I said fuck off, you would follow me through the fucking store and proceed to tell me whatever the hell nonsense comes out of your mouth," I said, irritated.

"Yeah, probably," he agreed.

"Spit it out, Hemmings. I don't have all day."

"First of all, I'm so sorry that it even happened. Neither of us meant for it to get that far. we just wanted to be friends, but it literally just happened. Understand that Calum doesn't love you any less. He's always loved you, even when he was with me, he would be imagining that I was you. You can't hate him for that," he explained.

"I don't hate him. But I sure as hell hate you and what he did," I clarified.

"And I get that. But I didn't mean to ruin your relationship. I was really happy for the two of you and I was happy that you found someone as caring as Calum. I didn't continue to do what I did to get back at you for anything. I'm not holding any grudges because what happened with you and I is in the past. There's no use bringing it up again," he continued.

"Are you about done with this bullshit? I've heard it all from Calum," I exhaled.

"No. I haven't seen or talked to Calum since I sent him to talk to you the very first time. I haven't tried to because I owe that to you. I don't plan on seeing him ever again because I know that's disrespectful to you and I don't want you to hate me any more than you already do. I feel like an absolute asshole for doing it in the first place," he explained. He took a deep breath and then brought his blue eyes to mine. "I just want to tell you that before you move on from Calum completely and hate him for the rest of your life, remember that he's still madly in love with you. You're still his world and I know that he's sitting in your old place, moping around and wanting you back. Just consider taking him back, yeah?"

"For one, fuck you. Two, I can't trust him and I'm happy with my life now. And that's without him or the threat of you coming over and fucking him when I'm not home. Three, you owe me a lot more than that bullshit that you just told me. I can't handle getting hurt again. I'm still recovering from this and I don't want to go back to the source of my heartbreak, so you can fuck off," I snapped at him and walked away to get the rest of my groceries and leave.

\----

I walked into Ashton and mine's apartment, letting the door slam a little too loudly. I was determined to get those two off of my mind. I knew god damn well that they've seen each other. I knew damn well that both of them were lying about not having any contact with each other. I made the right decision and I knew it. Leaving Calum for good was the best thing that I could've ever done.

"Hey, you okay? Don't beat the door; he didn't do anything to you," Ashton said walking into the kitchen.

"I'm fucking fabulous. I have my cookies and I'm fine," I told him, getting the needed utensils and such from the cupboard.

"You don't sound fabulous. You actually sound quite pissed at the world. Did something happen at the store?" he asked. I didn't answer him, not sure if I even wanted to talk about it. "Mikey...?"

"Luke fucking Hemmings happened! Calum Hood happened!" I yelled.

Ashton backed away, his hands up and his eyes wide. "Okay, what do you mean?"

"Luke was in the god damn store and I found out that both of them lied straight to my face. It's just so coincidental that Luke told me the exact same things and told me exactly how Calum was feeling, isn't it? If they haven't talked to each other, how could that bitch know how he's fucking feeling?! And to also tell me to consider taking Calum back, explaining exactly the same things that Calum did?!" I yelled, hot tears escaping my eyes.

"Shh, you're going to be okay," Ashton said, taking me into a hug. "You certainly made the best decision by not going back to him. They're not going to do anything but lie to you and you don't need that."

"I don't want my heart to break anymore."

\----


End file.
